The Get-Rid-Of-An-Old-Boyfriend Self Therapy, or 3 rules of a breakup. Part Two

Is being an old-school romantic in a modern hookup culture of dating some kind of crazy? Maybe….

Recently, I was talking about rumbling, tumbling, and the expiration date of girly fairytale daydreams. Well, it all comes down to this: the Prince outgrowing the crown of girly childhood dreams turns into a regular pauper; the glass slippers, poison apples, vicious stepmothers, and goody-goody fairy godmothers with time always become less and less relevant at all. Realities of adulthood eventually would supersede those old childhood fairy tales, and from Disney fantasies, all girls and boys, after becoming grownups, are shipped off and landed onto two different planets - Venus and Mars. Have you heard that? I did! 

As I keep saying, breakups ain’t for rookies, remember? The girl and the “Prince” had it for a while, didn’t make it work, and finally threw in the towel. They went through it all: the bad, ugly, and uglier! What comes next?

Is there a life after the breakup?  Yahooo-oooo, any post-breakup survival guide out there? 

I asked Google about the rules and survival tips of a breakup. What do you know? I was surprised to find out multiple variations of the digit 3 to be pretty relevant when it comes to breakups. Apparently, we need 3 weeks of mourning, 30 days of not seeing the one we just dumped, and 3 months of not dating anyone else. Is number 3 some kind of special? Who knows? Breakup is a very serious business, and there is a lot of weeping and moaning literature stored somewhere up in the bottomless Google digital cloud that will bring you down rather than lift you up, and that, of course, if you read it! 

I’d say, don't you bother! Humor with a healthy dose of sarcasm is all the medicine we need. If anyone wants to wallow in sorrow and lose more of their spark, they should ask Google for virtual napkins to wipe up a tearful misery from their breakup. The advice you will find there ain’t that good! I'd rather do my own thing! What would that be?! I’ll Jodie-up! Jodie used to be my therapist, who had all the answers when I didn’t! Yup, she was that good! Now don’t be so shocked; I am a human too! The miseries of breakup and a boatload of failed relationships are now news to me. By the way, I wish there were preventive immunizations against those breakups… like a flu shot at Rite Aid. Imagine your romantic fever goes up, you feel that ache in your whole body, soul, and mind, everything is on fire, and the chills of a breakup are hitting you like a train. No problem, you rush to the nearest drugstore and ask them to give you a pre- or post-breakup shot or pill. Get immunized, and it won’t hurt that much, or you won’t catch it. Yeah, right! Well, now that’s my fantasy. We don’t have such things, but we do have therapists instead! 

Well, let me tell you something! Yup, I’m no different than anyone else! When times were tough, I found Jodie, the Therapist! As they say, I’ve been-there-and-done-that! Those therapists aren't cheap! Since a while back I ran out of triple dollar digits to pay her, I’ve invented a new phrase: “To Jodie Up!” and when I’m in a bind for advice, I’ll try to guess what she possibly would’ve said?! Yeh, yeehhh, yeeeehhhh! I’m no different than any other girl on the planet. 

I had to deal with a few breakups of my own, too. Well, in my case, he was that all-grown-up “prince” from that same girly dreamland, and of course, he had his issues. Who doesn't? Yup, I was thinking he was perfect too! Not that fast! Mama just got a taste of honey, and she wanted the whole beehive, but he wasn’t ready! Is anybody surprised? Nope, and neither was I. 

I had put myself out of that failing tug-of-war misery, right? Finally, I “jodied” myself up and did the right thing! I’ve shipped him out! Guess what? I’ve survived the crash of my fairy tale, then ruffled the feathers I still had left, and come up with 3 breakup rules of my own! 

Here they are, Tatiana’s breakup rules: 

#1. Stage and dominate a Breakup. Lay it all on him; no wiggle room to be left out! He won’t cave in, and he won’t yield either! 

#2. Don’t play the Game of Revenge, because it’s not “The Game of Thrones!” I 'LL-SHOW-HIM-WHAT-I-CAN-DO-WITHOUT may not work as well as you would want to. You will hurt yourself more by trying to keep the dead hopes alive. Just rip the bandage off, make a brave, confident face, and move the hell on!

#3. Don’t sign up for the I-Hate-The-Valentine’s-Day Club; you don’t want to look pathetic either. In time, there will be another guy who might have his feathers ruffled up and previously burnt; he might actually be more into you than the one who failed you! Just keep it going, sister! There should be a life after a breakup, “fo-shore”!

Move on, Girl! The guy who broke your heart ain’t coming back! Jodie-up, keep going; be in charge! That’s the plan, right? As I’m saying, being an old-school romantic in a modern hookup culture of “Tinder” dating is a special kind of crazy, and if that’s true, then more Mojitos, please!

I respect the feelings of all wounded souls - females and males who have gone through such a terrible part of their lives, like a breakup, when everything inside hurts and nothing makes sense! My intentions are very pure and respectful, even though I’m making fun of all this delicate matter. I just wanted to put some light and a hint of humor into such a heart-wrenching situation. I wish and hope that none of us ever will go through breakups again, and if we do, then we should manage not to lose the respect for one another and keep our beautiful memories in a very special place in our hearts, and move on!

I just did that…….